Serious Thought
by changinlndscape
Summary: A few unrelated one-shots. Chapter 2: alt ending for A Deadly Affair.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: An alternate version of Cops and Robbers. Because there can never be enough of those. One shot. Mistakes are mine. Castle is not.

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Serious Thought**

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The force of the explosion rocked the surveillance van hard enough to send pens skittering across the floor and the slew of monitors and other electronics rocking gently on their stands. Beckett stiffened without a sound, the hand holding her cell phone dropping heavily to her side. Esposito was still talking through it, forgotten, so he must not have heard the blast. She stood slowly and made her way out of the van, trailing a hand along the wall and giving her head a shake. She wasn't sure if the ringing in her ears was from the force of the blast or because of what she knew it might mean.

There was a time when she was better at this. When the threat of danger or the immediate aftermath of a disaster would leave her somber, but energized. When her best work was done under pressure that felt motivating instead of cloying. Before her shooting. Before Montgomery. Before it was Castle in the bank.

_Castle_.

Outside it was surprisingly quiet. A fine layer of dust covered the ground, the vehicles, and the officers who were preparing to storm the bank. Their voices called out through the dusky smoke, ringing out in clear contrast to the stunned silence of the surrounding crowd with their wide eyes and their hands over their mouths. Beckett's eyes drifted toward the ground, detached, idly watching her feet leave trails in the grey dust like furry boots in an early snowfall, the kind that had been her favorite before winter only represented death and bitter cold. A radio squawked loudly close by and brought her attention back to the present.

Moving with a purpose now, Beckett found the officer in charge, noting the fresh scratches across his cheek and the slight burning smell emanating from his clothes. He must have been close to the building. She spoke quietly, but firmly. The negotiations captain did the same. She was going in with them.

Beckett broke through the door in the second phalanx of officers, squinting through the sting in her eyes; filth or fear causing tears to gather at the corners. The air was dry and bitter with bits of debris grinding between her teeth.

"Castle!" She was half shouting, half growling. Gun at the ready, she moved quickly through the ruined lobby, glass and plastic crunching under her feet. The officers spread out, clearing one area at a time, voices calling out orders and status updates that Beckett was only peripherally aware of. "Castle!"

"Beckett!" It was Martha's voice that responded, wavering a little, but loud and determined. Beckett jogged around a corner and could just see the dark shapes of the huddled hostages in the dim light of an enclosed alcove. Through the bars she caught sight of Martha's gaudy jacket and offered a smile, or something like one.

"Hey, Martha." She made her way closer, forcing open the barred but luckily unlocked door. "They're here!" She called back over her shoulder, her voice hoarse with the dust and smoke and emotion. When she turned back, she cast her eyes around the group. "Everyone ok?"

There were murmurs of assent and she allowed herself a deep breath of relief before turning back to Martha, where she expected Castle to be grinning at her.

"Castle..."

But he wasn't there. Startled, she looked around more carefully. No Castle. "Martha? Where-"

"They took him away, Kate. Down the hall there," she gestured with bound hands, and Beckett finally saw the tight lines of anxiety written across her face. She turned, waved over the officers that were making their way toward the group, and ran down the hall.

She was shouting his name without pretense now, running too fast to be as careful as she should be, fully afraid. The sound of her feet on the ground and the lurch of her heart at her throat provided a beat to the unwanted mantra of her fear_. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone._

The adrenaline was running so high, the rush in her ears and the beat of her heart so loud, that she almost missed it. Then it came again and again, and she raced toward the sound of her name and his voice.

She slammed through a door into a dark office space before coming to an abrupt stop to blink into the darkness. Then her eyes adjusted, and there he was. Castle was sitting on the ground in the dark, dusty and dirty and tired and with a tiny trickle of blood on his temple, but whole and alive and okay. When they made eye contact he sagged back against the wall, his head falling back to rest, and he smiled wearily.

"Hey, Beckett, what took you so long?"

Instead of unwinding her, the relief reverberated through her with a brand new surge of adrenaline. Sucking a breath in through her nose, she holstered her weapon and made her way to him quickly with her hands shaking and her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. She dropped to her knees next to him, close enough that Castle jumped a little when her knees connected with the floor, and hugged him tightly.

It was awkward. She had to lean into him from the side and her knuckles and forearms scrapped unpleasantly across the wall behind him. It was inelegant and clumsy, but she tucked her head under his chin and squeezed hard; hard enough to squeeze out some of the adrenaline, hard enough so that maybe she wouldn't cry when she spoke.

"You were gone, Castle. I thought you were gone."

She squeezed him just a little harder, her elbows knocking painfully against the wall, so that maybe he wouldn't notice she was crying a little, and so she could reassure herself that he was here.

"I'm here, Kate. I'm here. I'm fine. _Kate_."

She could feel his voice rumbling through his chest and into hers. Without thought, she pressed her lips into the fabric of his shirt, resting there for a moment. Then, because of the adrenaline and his deep voice and the smell of his cologne and the warm relief that was finally uncoiling the chill in her belly and her arms around his back, she turned her head to kiss his neck. Then his jaw. Then his cheek. And finally up to brush her lips against his.

She kissed him there, in the dark of the offices in the back of the bank. Nothing earth shattering, just the warm press of her lips against his before she pulled back. He was watching her with parted lips and kind eyes, but she realized suddenly that he hadn't really kissed her back. Hadn't even lifted a hand to touch her, and she was practically draped over his lap.

Her face flushed. Not the pink tinge of embarrassment or shy arousal but the flaming heat of humiliation and rejection. After all this time, she had never imagined that he would be over her, that he would say no, that he didn't want her as much as she wanted him. She jerked away and hissed softly when her knees protested.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Castle, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, it's just that I was thinking earlier and I didn't stop..."

"Beckett," Castle tried to interrupt, but she spoke over him, thankful for the dim lighting to at least hide the shame coloring her face.

"Come on, let's get out of here, Martha's out there, she's okay but she'll want to see you and Alexis is outside, she's going to kill me if I don't bring you to her right away so we should probably just go. Outside, now," she ended abruptly, pointing toward the door while awkwardly standing to stare down at him with wide eyes. When he didn't get up right away, she reluctantly held out a hand to help him up.

"Beckett," Castle said again, patiently. "Maybe you could untie my hands first?" He twisted a little to bring his wrists, bound behind his back, into view.

"Oh," she said, somewhat dumbly. She stood still for a beat too long, before dropping back down beside him. "Of course."

Beckett cut the zip ties and winced sympathetically at the dark red welts in his skin. She watched while he rolled his shoulders and rubbed at the sore spots before flexing his wrists until the joints cracked. She quashed the urge to reach out and soothe the injuries herself. Instead she sat back on her haunches and clasped her hands at her knees, rubbing lightly at the sore skin there, uncertain now just how uncomfortable she should be feeling.

She just kissed him. And now... what?

Castle clambered to his feet then, and reached down to drag her up with him. He made a noise of displeasure and shook his arms out. "They're asleep," he muttered, flexing his fingers and rolling his head on his neck. "Pins and needles."

This time she did reach out and took one of his hands in hers, despite his yelp of distress, and massaged her way quickly from his finger tips to his elbow. What were partners for, right? She did the same for the other side before releasing him with a final squeeze, and stepped back, chewing her lip.

"Better?" she questioned quietly, looking away again.

"Much," he said. Then, "You're going to bite a hole through your lip if you keep at it like that."

She released her lip with a start, looking back at him, and saw that he was smiling. Smiling and somehow smug and looking intently at her mouth, and _oh _suddenlyhe was coming toward her. He looked predatory, almost aggressive with it, then he reached out and pulled her against him with a hand at her hip and the other at her jaw before leaning in to kiss her soundly.

A soft sound of supplication crept out of her throat, humming into the caress of his lips when he tangled one of his hands in her hair to tug lightly and change the angle of their kiss. It was sure and soft and wet and tongue and teeth and Beckett could feel herself growing a little lightheaded with it. Too much emotion for one day, like too much sun and not enough water on a day at the beach, and she tightened her grip at his shoulders to stay upright.

Castle seemed to share her sentiment and pulled away with a final tug at her lower lip, tucking her into his chest and wrapping both arms around her. Beckett sighed and allowed herself the luxury of closing her eyes and leaning against him. "Long day," she murmured.

Yeah," he replied.

"Not over yet."

"No." Then they stood quietly, swaying a little, wrapped up in the embrace.

It felt like long minutes went by, though it was probably only a few, before a throat was cleared pointedly by the doorway.

"Partner, eh?" The police captain grinned wryly at her. "I should have guessed. Not to interrupt but you, Mister Castle, have some family out here that would love to see you."

He left, and Castle started to step back, but Beckett held on, keeping him close for another moment. She tipped her head up so she could see him while she spoke.

"I was thinking, earlier out in front of the bank, about how much I wanted this. I was thinking, 'Castle is in that building and he might die'-"

"Kate, I was never really in that much danger."

Becket smiled and shook her head before continuing as if he hadn't spoken. "...and he might die, and I've never really shown him how I felt. I was thinking, today he made a joke about me _needing _him and I almost came undone because it isn't funny; it's true. I was thinking how nice this would feel..." She squeezed her arms playfully around his waist, "and I was thinking that I couldn't remember why I was still fighting this. I don't remember why, Castle."

"That's a lot of thinking, Detective Beckett, for someone who's supposed to be talking down a bank robber."

She smiled, and released him. "I was just thinking about us, Castle." She shrugged, a little lighter for her confession. She reached out and took his hand. "Come on, want to investigate a bank robbery?"

"I've got to tell you, Beckett, there's something strange about this whole thing. These guys were professionals. But I heard them when the bomb went off. Did they blow themselves up?"

"Looks like."

"Something doesn't add up. We need to look into who they were."

"Go hug your family first. Then we investigate."

"But not too late, tonight," Castle grinned, swinging their hands as they stepped out into the corridor. "Mother has a way of celebrating even the tiniest achievements with big celebratory dinners. I'd bet the loft we'll have one tonight. Because today we were in a bank robbery and lived to tell the tale."

"Will there be wine?"

"Definitely."

"I'm invited?"

"Always."

She smiled. "Hey, Castle, why were you in the room all by yourself?"

He grimaced, looked sideways at her, seemed to consider not answering, then shrugged. "They said I talked too much."

Beckett laughed long and hard. He was never going to live it down.

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_(end)_

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A/N Thanks for reading. I'm not marking this complete because there are one or two other one shots that I think would fit the title, but this one is done. :)

Also, I think I like writing flustered Beckett b/c we don't really see it on the show. I assume it happens off camera.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter, I'm responding to those tonight which is WAY late, sorry! But I'm in my first summer at a new job and first semester back at college. My time is not my own!

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**Chapter 2: ep 2x24 A Deadly Game alt ending**.

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"...and we ended up talking for hours," Gina smiled up a him. Castle smiled back, warmly, but something was niggling at the back of his mind. Beckett was not herself where she stood a few short feet away; she was radiating discomfort.

"Just like old times," Gina continued, wrapping her hands around Castle's bicep to snuggle in a little closer. Castle smiled at her again before he turned his full attention back to Beckett. Beckett, who was too stiff for the casual conversation, and who was holding her beer too tightly to her chest. Castle gave his head a tiny shake to clear it. Beckett had made it clear in the past that she didn't like when he pried into her emotions, so he took a deep breath and asked a safer question.

"So, I'm sorry, you were telling me something?"

"Yeah, I wanted to say... have a great summer." Beckett's face contorted a little, lips forced into smile territory while her eyebrows frowned at him.

Castle bobbed his head, strangling down the need to know what was wrong. "You, too. And like I said, it's been really, really great."

Beckett smiled blankly at him, distant eyes staring at his forehead before looking off across the bullpen. Castle had just a moment to wonder if something could have happened to upset her in the few minutes he was celebrating with the Captain, Laney, and the boys before Gina was squeezing his arm and nodding toward the exit. Beckett's murmured, "Yeah," was almost lost to him as he glanced down at his ex-wife and wondered what the summer together might have in store for them. Not so very long ago their relationship had been filled with snarky dislike, but maybe this time together would go differently. Castle studiously ignored the part of his brain that scoffed at the notion, and gathered himself to leave.

He reached out and shook Beckett's hand, even though it felt a little awkward and too formal for the moment. He couldn't really hug her with Gina hanging off of his arm. The blonde at his side was ready to leave, so he waggled his eyebrows at Beckett, waved goodbye to the group in the office, and they turned as a couple and walked toward the elevator, arms resting comfortably around each others' waist.

Gina was chatting about the summer to come and the chapters he owed her and how many hours he might have to spend writing each day when they made it to their cars, parked side by side in the garage. He tossed his jacket into the passenger seat of his own vehicle, and realized he'd left his iPad in the precinct. Great.

"Hey, I've got to run back upstairs. Do you want to head over to the loft and I'll pick you up there in a few?"

Gina nodded, gave him a quick peck on the lips, and he made his way back up to the precinct. When the elevator doors opened he strode forward quickly, picking up his forgotten iPad from Beckett's desk with a tiny fist pump of victory. He was halfway back to the elevator when he saw Esposito scowling at him from his desk. The force of the look slowed him to a stop, and he glanced over his shoulder to see if Espo might actually be glaring at someone behind him, because after all, what had he possibly done in the last five minutes to deserve that?

What he saw was Beckett, leaning on a desk in front of the whiteboard, looking absolutely devastated. Her head was hanging while she stared at the floor, her hands planted on her knees, and her shoulders suspiciously shaking. Castle felt his heart in his throat, and an overwhelming need to make her stop crying. Because that's what was happening. Beckett was crying.

"Beckett? What's wrong?"

She jumped up like she'd been shot. "Castle what are you doing here?" She sounded angry, but she wasn't looking at him. Acting on instinct, Castle reached out a hand to wipe away the tears on her face, and she jerked to the side, smacking away his hand. Castle froze, hands held out to the side, eyes soft with worry.

"Please tell me what's wrong."

"I... No."

"Why not?"

"Because you're with her now," Beckett growled, lowering her head to hide behind her hair again.

Castle's jaw dropped. Ignoring her protests, he grabbed a firm hold of her wrist and strode to the break room, dragging her behind him. Once there, he flipped the lock on the door and yanked the blinds shut. He turned around in time to see Beckett drop heavily into a chair and bury her face in her hands, fingers tugging anxiously at the loose strands of hair around her face.

"Castle, I think you should just go," she said hoarsely.

"Not happening," he replied, and cautiously moved to sit across from her. When she didn't move away, he allowed himself to relax a little. He dragged a hand over his face and looked closely at her, finding himself at a loss. What do you say to that? After a long awkward silence, Kate pulled her hair back from her face and turned her red-rimmed eyes toward him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you."

"I'm not worried about that. Barely felt it."

"You're worried about the other thing."

Castle sighed, unsure. "I'm worried about you, crying in the precinct," he said, fingers twitching as he again restrained himself from reaching out to her.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "I thought you'd gone." As if that were some sort of an explanation.

They fell into silence again. It was there, sitting silently in the uncomfortable break room chair while Beckett sniffled and sighed next to him that something suddenly clicked for Castle. The way Beckett had been looking at him before Gina had arrived, the way she'd said, _"I've had a really good time," _and the way she had looked so disappointed when Gina walked up and wrapped herself around him. How she'd flinched when Gina said, _"I don't bite... much."_

"Oh," he said aloud. "Oh, no. Oh, Kate. I didn't realize. I didn't know. I didn't think you wanted... uh. I didn't think you wanted anything... more. I mean, I would never have... um. You know. Gina."

Not the most eloquent thing he could have said, and he was not going to think about what kind of man it made him that he'd just admitted he was using Gina as backup, but Beckett needed to know. If she knew, then maybe. Well, something. Maybe she wouldn't be crying at work, and maybe Espo wouldn't be getting ready to murder him.

Beckett sniffed, and glanced up at him quickly. "You wouldn't be with Gina?"

She looked hopeful, for the first time since he'd come back through the precinct, and the pressure he'd been feeling since he'd seen her lifted. He considered her seriously, and shook his head.

"No."

"Oh, um. Good." Beckett laughed nervously.

Castle regarded her carefully, and forced his face to be neutral for his next question. "Uh, Demming?"

"Gone."

Castle had seen the two of them together yesterday, which meant she'd broken things off so that she could come try to be something more with him. Wow, he'd had no idea.

"Kate, why didn't you say something earlier?"

She shrugged, and breathed in deeply. "I was thinking about it, when you asked me to the Hamptons. And when you asked me the second time I was so tempted. But our partnership is so important to me, I didn't want to just jump in. I just needed to give it some serious thought."

Beckett reached over like she was going to squeeze his hand but stopped at the last moment and just let her hand rest near his. Castle's heart leapt at the aborted gesture, and he wiggled his fingers over so they brushed hers briefly, meeting her halfway, just to see the quirk of a smile pull at her lips. It gave him an inexplicable sensation of pleasure.

There was a giddy excitement growing in his chest that seemed inappropriate considering the woman waiting for Castle at his home, so he bit the inside of his lip hard. Hard enough to keep his face from breaking into a huge smile, and hard enough to feel the sting of tears behind his eyes, but not hard enough to keep his diaphragm from twitching when Beckett's fingertips traced the button at the cuff of his sleeve. He exhaled awkwardly, but kept his smile in check.

"Beckett?" he questioned.

She hummed a response, flicking shy eyes up to his before looking back at the fingers that had now undone the button on his sleeve and were now tugging aimlessly at the parted fabric.

"You really want to try..." he hesitated there, and watched the twitch of her lips at his silence. Bolstered by her good humor, he finished simply. "Us?"

Beckett smiled, eyes still averted, and Castle watched a pink tinge climb from the parted V of her shirt up her neck and to her ears. "I..." Beckett started, but seemed to lack the words. Castle watched her tongue flick out to lick her lips and finally, finally she was looking up and meeting his eyes. One shoulder raised in bashful acquiescence and her cool fingers were creeping under the fabric of his shirt to stroke along the skin of his wrist.

"Good," he grinned. "Me, too." Castle sat back in his chair and linked their fingers, allowing himself just a little taste of the enjoyment he hoped would be filling their time in the very near future. He watched Beckett staring at their hands, her eyes bright and her face a little dopey, fingers flexing slightly around his, and everything about her just so appealing. Castle sighed and squeezed her fingers once more before extracting his hand and, regretfully, standing up. "Good," he repeated, and though he really just wanted to whisk her out of the precinct to some dark little bar somewhere, he said what he knew he had to. "Then before anything else happens, there's something I have to go do."

He grimaced apologetically at her, hoping she would understand, and that she knew he had never meant to hurt her. Castle knew he would tell her explicitly later, when he could brush the lines on her forehead away with his fingers and his lips and whisper his apologies into her ear and her throat and her mouth.

He started to back away, but even all of his natural chivalry telling him he couldn't kiss her, not yet, Castle couldn't just leave her there. Beckett looked overwhelmed and hopeful and sad that he was leaving, and she looked beautiful and kind in her understanding and so attractive that Castle couldn't help but step closer, lightly touch her shoulder with the fingertips of one hand and press his lips to her cheek. Beckett sighed and in toward him.

"Castle, I wish I'd said something yesterday," Beckett mumbled when he pulled away.

"I know. But this," he gestured vaguely toward the elevators, and the rest of the world, and to Gina who was probably now waiting for him at the loft, "won't take me long. So, until tomorrow, Kate?"

Beckett nodded her head at him with a smile. "Good night, Castle."

Castle turned and walked out before he could find a reason to convince himself to just stay.

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Beckett finished readying her desk for the evening in a school-girl daze, not noticing the amused and knowing looks Esposito and Ryan were sending her. She didn't notice that Laney was laughing at her when she told her to "_Have a good night, Kate_," or that Captain Montgomery was shaking his head at her when she got lost in a daydream with her hand poised over the whiteboard, standing there for at least five minutes.

When she made it home she couldn't remember the drive there, but she could remember how she had been imagining what might have happened if Castle hadn't had to leave to break things off with Gina, and if he hadn't stopped with a quick kiss to her cheek. And if it had been later, and the precinct had been empty, and if she had just opened a few of the buttons on his shirt, and wrapped her arms around him.

She could almost feel it, and just the anticipation of what it might be like _with Castle _sent her for a long cold shower. She was toweling off her hair when she heard her phone ping. Her heartbeat accelerated as she reached for her phone, and a girly grin crept over her face when she read the message.

_"I'll bring the coffee tomorrow morning"_

She was still standing and grinning, one hand tucked under her chin, when a second text arrived, full of promise.

_"And I'll get dinner and drinks tomorrow night."_


End file.
